Little Lights
by xxil0vey0uxx
Summary: Fifteen years ago, Toby broke up with Spencer and no one has heard from him since (well maybe someone did). Spencer is left to make the biggest decision of her life alone. Everything seems to spiral out of control after that. Now two familiar faces are back. Will Spencer turn to her old ways or will she forgive and forget?
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note:

Hey my loves Tay here with a new story! So this story(I hope) is much different than my other stories. I have tried not to rush it because I want it to be long and well though out. In this chapter each paragraph is a journal entry. There are not a lot of dear ails as to what is going on, but all of you are smart so I'm sure you can figure it out! Sorry if I confuse anyone! If you have any questions about the story, please feel free to personal message me! As always leave reviews because, they help me know wether of not the story is doing well or if I need to tweak things. Without further ado here it is!

Things happen for a reason, that's what everyone says. When people are on the outside, looking it, it easier to say that and walk away than to address what actually has happened. They probably say it because they don't want to say "damn your life sucks right now!" Like at a funeral, when they say the person is in a "better place", what are they supposed to say sorry that they are dead but the person had it coming? I do believe that everything happens for a reason, I would be a fool if I didn't, but I believe that it is all for a greater purpose. We weren't just put on this Earth for nothing... right. We have to be here for something. From the homeless person to the president, we all have a purpose. I too have a purpose. Right now I don't know what it is. I seem to be in a constant state of confusion. Consumed by my never ending thoughts on what is real and not, what life truly is. I ponder with theses ideas, for I have nothing better. I lay in my bed, with the sheets up to my neck, in order to bury my face, and try to make sense of it all. Another cliche, if things are not okay, then it is not the end. Then what happens with a breakup? That is the end of a partnership and nothing ever turns out okay with that. No nothing good ever comes out of love. When it ends it burns a hole in your heart and you feel sick because I piece of you is now missing. Yes things happen for a reason, but why?

Five days, that's how long it's been since I've been out if bed. Yes I have gotten up to use the bathroom but that is it. I haven't showered because I lack energy for that. When my mother waltzes in she brings food to me, tries to convince me that this is not the end, but then feeds me knowing that it is a losing battle. The girls come and talk, but then they go. I just need someone to listen to my silence and understand that I am screaming, but no one stays long enough to listen and I just feel so alone.

I have called, texted, done everything possible (from my bed of course), but it seems to be a one way street. He hasn't replied and it's as if he never existed. That night was painful and crazy. Just not what I expected from him. Toby was quiet and different, not in a bad way, he was different from every guy, which made me love him. That strange night, he wasn't my Toby, the one I knew so well, he was a male Medusa, but instead his heart was the stone. He was cruel and unloving. As if every ounce of love was lost like a grain of sand on a beach. His eyes no longer shone with happiness but were sullen with cruelty. No this wasn't Toby but a somewhat monster.

Another cliche "life goes on" it's easy for everyone who is having an amazing life to say that life goes on, yes when you break a nail life does go on. What happens when, your life is gone? No you aren't dead because obviously your life could not go on, but a person that made you know everything was real, and was the other half of your heart, they are just gone, and how can you continue living. You can't walk down your neighborhood streets smile,laugh,and speak as if they never were important, can you? Do you have to move on to feel whole again? Why did this happen? Everything was fine, more than fine. Our relationship was perfect(except for -A), why now?

Everything is lost. The days crash into each other and it seems as if I'm spiraling out of control (if I haven't already). My face is sheer white, and my cheeks are stained by the path my tears took. My hair is wild, like a lions mane, and it smells as if something has died in my room. Not the best living conditions, but hey who do I have to impress?

I finally took a shower, and as the water ran over my fragile limbs, I could swear I heard Toby's voice. Not the cruel one but the old Toby, the sweet fun-loving boy. I could swear he was there with me. Once I finished my shower, I went downstairs to the kitchen, for the first time in days. My mother was standing there, as if she was waiting my presence. She said nothing, like always, but just smiled. Maybe she thought I was never getting out of bed, another sign of no one being there.

Things really haven't changed. Toby still hasn't answered my calls, but I have stopped calling. I can no longer chase a ghost. They say if you love something set it free, and if it comes back it was yours. Well this is the test, Toby is free, and if he comes back it was true love and if he doesn't... then I will have to cope. I want him back, in my arms, but I can't bring him out of the shadows, especially because I don't know where they are. I guess young love is always stupid and naïve, something you crave but it's not good for you, like ice cream. Oh well I can't control his mind. I will just have to wait and see.

I miss him and I want him here. Everything is a struggle. I never wanted help or needed anyone, not having him here, knowing I wasn't safe in his arms, was worse than -A taunting me. I'm weak without him, not that he made me strong but a part my life was ripped away without a purpose. I just want him back and I would do anything to get him back.

So did you guys like it? I know it wasn't a real chapter but I felt that this was needed to give you an insight into Spencer. Do you guys know what happened? Please private message me if you want to know questions about the upcoming chapter, maybe I will be nice and give a sneak peek. Besides that review, follow, and favorite. Love you guys!

-Tay


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

So this chapter is written in third person ( or at least I tried to write it in third person sorry if some parts it isn't). Toby is in this chapter, and you get to see how the years have changed him. Spencer's decision is revealed! The next chapter(possibly) will be devoted to that decision. Tell me what you think of the chapter! Love -Tay

Forgot to say this but I'm deciding to make Spencer's old journal entries_ italic _just so you guys know!

Chapter 2

The tall beauty walked up to the stage. Not only was she about too reveal to herself, a painful secret, but she was about to announce it to a room full of strangers. Good thing she is not afraid of public speaking.

"My name is Spencer and I'm an alcoholic."

The words, stung, as if she was plagued by bees. Yes she had been living this tragic life for about fifteen years now, but she had never called herself an alcoholic, yes maybe a drunk but never an her it was easier to sweep it under the rug than face the problem head on. This was the first meeting that Spencer would attend, and it probably would be her last. In these meeting you address yourself and tell your story. No one asks questions when you done, you just return to you seat.

"When I was little everything I did was hidden under the grid. My parents, well their money could make any problem disappear. That worked until I was seventeen when they ran into two problems money could never my boyfriend left me and I was pregnant. No it wasn't young stupid love, it was true. I only found out after we broke up. Well lets just say things got worse from there. I had to make a choice. Give her up or keep her. I had to deal with everything when I was still young and a child myself-"

What Spencer didn't know was at the same time an old friend was revealing his story less than a mile away. She wasn't alone in this moment of misery. When she had to portray her weaknesses to the world. When she had to kill her pride because it was killing her. This moment, it was time for her to do something for else, to better herself. Yes now in the moment it hurt, telling the world about her weakness, but she had to.

''I know I sound stupid, like oh you were young and your life seemed perfect but you screwed it up, its your problem. Well you can't control what other people bring into your life. I did, what in the moment, seemed best. Yes it still seems easier, to run to a bottle than face a problem. It's a struggle everyday. Nothing seems right anymore and I just hope that this could help me."

There she was. The strong beautiful Spencer Hastings telling people her deepest, darkest secret, her parents would be so disappointed. Everything, in this brief moment, seemed fine. She wasn't alone, their were others struggling with her. The only difference was her story, the reason she was here. She was afraid, not of telling people, but of finally admitting it to herself. Finally, telling herself that she screwed up, and that it seemed to be her fault. There was no way to correct this problem, no amount of many could make this disappear. So that was the problem, she was stuck in a hole, that she dug.

"Who is she?"

Kristen and Toby are back in Rosewood, cleaning out his fathers old house. He died, Jenna had moved out, and his step mother was so "distraught" that she couldn't help. So that left Kristen, his fiancé and himself left to do all the work. Things still looked like they did when Toby was seventeen. Before he had left his life, and picked up in Philadelphia. This, the contents of the box, were all long before he had met Kristen. Before they moved in, before he even thought about being with her.

"Well who is this girl?"

Kristen lifted the frame from the box, revealing a very dusty picture of Spencer and Toby. You could say it's been awhile since he's spoken to Spencer. He will never tell anyone, but he thinks about her everyday, not a day goes by were he wishes he could take it all back, but things would be much different. Kristen wouldn't be here and they wouldn't be happy, he is happy... right?

"She's, well no one."

Yes Spencer Hastings is someone. A very important person from Toby's past. She is the one person who cared enough to stick around when the waves were rough, and she was there when he lost sight of shore. So yes, she wasn't no one.

"I don't think you kiss anyone like that and have them be a no body."

"She's an old girlfriend."

"Why do you still have this picture then!"

Leave it to Kristen to be jealous. Kristen is a tall, slim, beauty. She kind of looks like Spencer, but her personality is much different. She can't love the way Spencer once did. No Kristen seems to be incapable of feeling love, but why does Toby love her? Well to be honest he doesn't really know. Kristen gets jealous easily. This happens to be a great example, Spencer isn't even present and Kristen feels threatened. She is weaker than Spencer, opposite of what Toby seems to like. Maybe that's why he "fell for her" because she is different. Well their relationship sure is a lengthily puzzle. Hopefully it has an ending!

"How about not screaming and I didn't keep it my father did so why not dial it down a bit?"

Toby was different, yes he matured, he is now thirty two years of age, but he no longer loves. He has lost the kindness in his eyes, and he lacks a compassionate heart. Those thing have been dead for a long while. Yes, it seems like they never will be resurrected. Toby's words were harsh and unforgiving. He was different, not the boy Spencer knew, but a cruel man created by a mad society.

"Way to be a dick Toby."

Why does Toby love her? Isn't that the question? How can you love someone who seems not to care. Why couldn't he find someone to break his shell. Why couldn't he reconnect with the person that once did? Why can't he realize that kristen is not good for him. That the love, of his former life, was still here, in Rosewood and that she was hurting as bad as he is, maybe even worse.

_Its easy for people to say that things get better. That the rainbow is coming to take you away from misery. Well when is that day? I can't seem to get a grip on this. Nothing makes sense anymore. Things are different, and I just, well I can't seem to put my feelings into words. First time I have nothing to say._


	3. Chapter 3

_Love of mine, someday this will die, and we'll follow it into the dark. Waiting for the hint of a spark and if heaven and hell decide that there satisfied, well maybe it could work._

I just guess you need space, when you find whatever it is your looking for, I will be here waiting to see what you find. We both have a lot to learn, about life in general. I just don't want you to walk away and forget it all. We are different and that's what works. I learned who I'm not, but I just will never give up. Things are rough right now but I still see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Have you spoken to this Spencer?"

Kristen was relentless, that she shared with Spencer. But hers was much different. Kristen is only focused on stuff that deals with drama, Spencer only cared about what had to do with finding -A (that was like a job).

"It's been years."

Toby was driving Kristen to The Brew, trying to show her around his child hood town.

"Why haven't you talked?"

She needed to hear it. Kristen wanted Toby to be weak, so she could swoop in.

"Reasons which I don't wanna talk about."

"What could be that bad?"

"Do you ever shut up?"

Kristen will never let this go, even if it kills her, she will find out who Spencer is.

"Hi Aria, wait isn't school in session?"

Aria teaches at Rosewood High, she is the freshman English teacher. Out of the four girls, she is the only one to do something that involves working in her hometown. Hanna, is a fashion designer, but she lives in Philadelphia(quite close to Toby, but somehow she hasn't seen him). Emily, is a marine biologist, but she lives in North Carolina with Paige, so she doesn't visit much. Spencer, well when she is sober enough, commutes to New York and works at Melissa's law firm (perks of having your sister being your boss, you don't get fired).

"Yeah but I'm on my break and well I think you know one of my students. So just get over here!"

"How would I-"

"Great see you soon."

_

"So do you recognize anyone?"

Toby and Kristen were seated in The Brew, what a coincidence that they would sit at Spencer and Toby's regular table. The universe works in mysterious ways.

"No."

All the older folks of Rosewood were out. Everyone Toby's age(or people he would plainly know) were at work.

"She still lives here doesn't she?"

Kristen can not let up about Spencer, as if she is obsessed.

"I don't know like I said it's been awhile. "

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"When have I ever spoken about my past? Exactly."

Toby has never told anyone about his past, especially Kristen. When Toby left, he tried to make himself into a new person, the only real piece of him was his name. Now, at thirty two, he was mean and cruel. He did not do horrible things, but his character was no longer free of demons. Toby no longer has anyone trying to bring out the best of him. It's been years since he has actually smiled and laughed. No one tries, Kristen cares only of herself. Somehow Toby finds comfort in her. Possibly because she never asks questions, up until now, or maybe because she was the first person he found. The real Toby Cavanaugh seemed to die years ago, and the new Toby has taken place.

Aria was seated at her desk, and didn't notice me as I walked in.

"Aria?"  
"Spence!"

She was up and out of her chair, reveal her pregnant belly. Things with he and Ezra have worked out and they've been together, well lets say it's almost eternity.

"Why did you want me to come down?"  
"Oh about that, you should sit down."

When you tell someone to sit down, they automatically think that something bad has happened. You see it on those television shows, doctors tell the dead patients family to sit down, before they tell them the news.

"Okay I'm seated now tell me!"

Even with all the passing years, Spence never lost her eagerness. A wonderful trait.

"Well, here look at the paper."  
"Aria it's a list,with names on it. I had to sit because..."  
"Just look."

A list of freshman, nothing special...

"Crap."

Dillon Graham. Yes, it was the name of a fifteen year old girl. Why would that be special?

"She's here Spence."  
"Oh my god."

And after all these years, Spencer's baby girl is back.

~Flashback~

"Spencer she looks like him, his eyes, almost everything she has your hair though."

Aria was right, she did look like him, she was perfect. Her tiny eyes, blue and mysterious like his but her tiny curls chestnut like mine. A perfect mix of both of us, but he couldn't be here to see her, in this moment.

"I know."  
"What are you going to do?"

Up until this moment I haven't said what I was going to do. I didn't want my parents, let alone my friends, telling me what they thought was best. They weren't in this situation, and I honestly don't want their opinion, not here right now.

"I don't want her."

I turned to face the window, my back now facing the baby girl and Aria. I couldn't look at either of them, seeing them would break my heart. Dillon is so fragile and I would take back this decision, but I'm not best for her, I couldn't love her and give her what she needs, I don't have any love to give.

"I know Toby would want her."

I know he would want her, and that's what makes matters worse. That he would be upset with my decision. But where is he, he doesn't even know his daughter exists.

"It's what best Aria."  
"Are you sure?"  
"As positive as ill ever be."

And thats the story of Dillon, my baby girl, and how she came to be and how I lost her.


	4. Chapter 4

"Let's move here! The town is so quaint, and well it would be nice to settle roots here!"

Kristen, oh Kristen. If only you could be honest. Just say what you really eat and why you want to live here, to see in Spencer is around. You don't even know her and she is a threat.

"What?"  
"Let's move here."

Well, Kristen's smile is as plastered as Mona's used to be.

"Spencer are you drunk! You swore that you wouldn't fall apart. That you were stronger!"

I've tried to keep this under wraps. My addiction and all. Aria once found me, passed out, in my apartment. In the hospital she made me promise that I would give it up, I've been hiding it for years now, and today was the day she found out.

" I thought you could be stronger, for your daughter, knowing she was here and that you could meet her. Your taking it for granted!"

"This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want to fall apart. I fell apart and I'm not strong. You don't know what it's like, to be alone. You have Ezra and he loves you unconditionally. You have a support system. I'm a shell, I'm not the girl you used to know. I'm lonely, and nothing can take the place of him! Are you happy?"

Another time I felt weak, aside from the meeting.

"Grow up!"  
"I didn't grow up years ago? I was never immature. Sorry for screwing up once! I'm human too!"

Everyone is so quick to judge. Since, I was strong when I was younger and always self reliant, they expect me not to change. Everyone needs help sometimes, but they see me as some indestructible thing. Not a person with feelings and emotions but an empty soul.

Aria lowered her voice, and turned it into a southing tone.

"Spencer I don't want you to be mad."  
"Sorry, that train has already left the station."  
"Toby, he's back."

A couple days later...  
(Dillon's POV)

"Dillon, after class I would like to speak to you."

Great it's what, the third week of school and I'm already in trouble.

"Yes ?"  
"In the paper you wrote, you talked about how you were adopted."  
"Yes...  
"Did you ever meet your mother? Or I don't know find out her name."

Why is she asking me this? Is she trying to be a creeper or what?

"Umm no I've never met her, but I would love to and yeah her name is Spencer Hashting or Hastings, something like that."

"Oh well that's nice, maybe one day you can meet her."

"I hope!"

(What Dillon doesn't know is that her teacher is her birth mothers best friend. What a small world.")

"A large black with three sugars, yes that's it thank you."

7:30 am and I need my coffee fix, some things never change. A warm cup of coffee in the morning is the best.

"Here ma'am."  
"Thank you!"

Coffee, the best way to start the morning. Suddenly, some one rams me from behind. I whip around on my heel.

"Hey watch-... Toby."

Holy shit... Toby's back

"Spencer."

My heart started to race. Not because I just ran into her but because I was nervous, the last time I saw her, we broke up. I needed to tell we everything explain it all.

"I need to talk to you Spence."  
"Why so you can leave again?"

I never meant to hurt her.

"Oh I see your getting married."

Kristen made me get a grooms ring in order to "show our love."

"Yes I am."  
"Well isn't that great!"

The love birds together again. The tension between them is obvious, but maybe deep down they both still share love.

Authors Note- Hey everyone! Sorry for making this such a short chapter. Since there were major(I don't know were they) events that had occurred in this chapter, I didn't want to make it to wordy, save the wordiness for a "larger" chapter. Well lets talk about what did happen. That little Aria vs. Spencer action, do you think anything will come of that? Will there be more fights in the future. Aria talking to Dillon about her birth mother(Spencer) do you think that Aria over stepped her boundaries? Also, do you think that Spencer will want to meet Dillon, maybe that will be the next Dillon's story, what is she like? Also that little thing between Toby and Spencer, it certainly won't be the last time they see each other. Did anyone notice how Toby reacted PLEASE someone personal message or review what he was thinking (opposed to what he said) please dig deeper and try and figure out what he was feeling. Like how he said I need to tell her what happened, why do you think he said that. I honestly can't want to write the chapter in which Kristen and Spencer meet. Will Kristen be her normal bitchy self (most likely). Well my loves how was this chapter? Love you! -Tay

also, do you think it would be cool if I made an Instagram for these stories(my fanfiction account). So I could update you guys almost instantly when my stories are updated. Tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

"Aria he's back, and he is getting MARRIED!"

"So lets get this straight, he left you without a true explanation and now he is getting married, wow this is crazy."

I probably shouldn't be freaking out. He is a grown man and can make grown up decisions. Toby is allowed to do whatever he want, and that includes him getting married. There is was no commitment, he didn't cheat. It's good that he is happy.

"So how is Dillon?"

"Fantastic, she said she want to meet you. Well, not you specifically but she said she would like to meet her birth mother. So tomorrow you should stop by school and meet her, not as her mother but as my friend. Later, just let's see how she likes you. Don't want to overwhelm her."

"Okay…"

I tried not to freak out. But right now I'm going crazy. Being close to her, for the first time in years. I never thought this would happen, ever. It is all so sudden. Should I tell Toby? He doesn't even know he exists. So I should meet her first right? He left her.

"Spence what about Toby?"

"I was just thinking that!"

301 Pennsylvania Avenue. He lives there! Emotions soon began to flood my body. Anticipation being the main one. What if I screw up? Well he hasn't met me there is no way to mess up then, right?

There he lives, just beyond this door. I approached it and knocked maybe one to many times. A man, I'm assuming it is him answered:

"Hi are you Toby Cavanaugh?"

"Yes and you are?"

"Dillon, I am your daughter."

He didn't even have to say his name though, I could tell from his eyes. He is so handsome though. I do sorta look like him, and I instantly loved him. He's my father.

I have a daughter…

"Holy crap."

"What?"

"Um just uh come in please I need to make a call."

A few moments later…

"How could you not tell me Spencer!"

She's so beautiful. But holy shit I have a daughter. She looks like Spencer, well her hair does. She has my eyes. Her name, its perfect and I'm so happy that she named her that. Spencer, gave me everything and I couldn't even give her an explanation as to why I left.

"You left us Toby how could I tell you, it's really hard to tell a GHOST!"

This wasn't the way he was supposed to find out… not this way. Things never seem to go the way anyone plans it though.

"We both have explaining to do now…"

Authors Note

Sorry once again for another short chapter. Once again a lot of stiff happened but I PROMISE the next chapter will be SUPER long just for you guys! Sp what do you think. Leave reviews as always. Love you- Tay


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't want Toby to find out about Dillon like this. Yes, I probably should have told him when he bumped into me(literally) at The Brew but I was just so caught up in the moment that it slipped my mind. I just didn't expect her to know his name or where he lived... her birth certificate.  
When a baby is born, even if the father is not around you still have to writ his name down. So even though Toby didn't know about his baby, I put his name. That must be how she got it, unless Aria told her, which I doubt. How could she know where he lives? I didn't even know that he lived in Rosewood. Well I guess it's not to hard to find. You could simply ask around, it's a small town, everyone knows each others address. I just can't comprehend why she would go to him. No I'm not jealous, but Aria said that she wanted to meet her mother(me). This makes me want to meet her even more. To explain the story, to her and Toby, even though he should already have a good idea.  
I wonder what she looks like. Obviously, she has matured, so she won't look like that two day old baby. Eye color can not change, so she must have his eyes. You can't change your hair color, unless you dye it, so as far as I'm concerned she still has my hair. It's just the in betweens. Is she tall like the two of us? Is she athletic? Smart maybe? Did she turn out like a Hastings, for everyone's sake hopefully not. I hope she's like him, just so she doesn't have to be compared to me.

"Dillon how did you find me?"  
"It isn't that hard, if you ask people they will just tell you. I mean I am fifteen, what am I going to do?"

She looks like a mini Spencer. Yes, she has my eyes but the rest is Spencer. Dillon is tall, and you can tell she is an athlete. Her hair just curls perfectly, like her mother and her smile, it lights up the room. I love her and I've known her for only a couple minutes.  
From what I've seen her personality resembles her mothers. She will need that to survive this crazy world.

"How's you mom?"  
"Wait I think you have the wrong idea... "  
"What do you mean?"  
"Are you talking about my birth mother? I am adopted. But you are certainly my father."  
That's why Spencer said she had to explain it. I was just so caught up in the moment, I didn't realize.  
"Oh sorry my mistake. Have you met her?"  
"No, I was hoping you could help me with that. Does she live here?"  
"No... She doesn't. Save that story for later but I will help you. I would also like to see your mother."  
"Okay, thanks."

She smiled again, and I just couldn't help but smile.

"Your name is special, Dillon."  
"Oh yeah why?"  
"Not one hundred percent sure but..."

_~flash back~_

_"Toby, you're the only solid thing I've ever had."_  
_"What do you mean?"_  
_"I trust you, you are my safe place to land."_  
_"You know your family loves you."_  
_"Your breath was shed_  
_Invisible to make_  
_About the soiled undead_  
_Night for my sake,_  
_ A raining trail_  
_Intangible to them_  
_With biter's tooth and tail_  
_And cobweb drum,_  
_A dark as deep_  
_My love as a round wave_  
_To hide the wolves of sleep_  
_ And mask the grave. It's by Dylan Thomas. Believe it that I trust you and that the only time I've ever felt safe was in your arms."_  
_"Well, then I will never let you fall."_  
_~end flashback~_

"So I believe that's why your name is Dylan."  
"Did you love her?"  
"She is the only girl that ever truly loved me."

Wait Kristen loves me, we are getting married. Those words, what I said to Dillon, they did not come from my mind but my heart.  
_

I need to talk to Toby. Whether it is before or after I meet Dillon, I don't care, we need to bury the hatchet. I don't want to see Toby and love him again. Whenever I would think of him, my heart would melt, and I would love him more than I previously had. I didn't want to get hurt once again. I have to make myself happy, look out for myself, because no one is doing that. He is engaged, so I doubt he will regain feelings. Toby, the one I knew, will not have double feelings. He must really love her. Even if he did love me, I could never love him like I used to. So many things have happened in these years. We have grown up and also grown apart. Many failures and triumphs, shared. Things have happened in the years, unspeakable ones. Love is a rare thing, that is something that my young self was correct about.

Authors Note- So how was it. I won't be able to post for a couple of days, please forgive me :(. But i will write every chance i get!


	7. Chapter 7

I have to call Toby, today. It has been a week, since he has seen Dillon, and since we had that spat.

"Toby?"

"Yes Spencer."

"We need to talk, The Brew at three?"

"Okay."

"Goodbye."

"Bye."

I hope talking in person isn't this awkward. I guess when everything is on the table, when all the cards are face up, we will be able to truly talk. Is he going to talk about the breakup? I mean it happened fifteen years ago, is he going to want to talk about it. Or will the conversation be dominated by Dillon. Yes, I love talking about her,but I still haven't met her, and I just don't know why. She is my daughter as well as his.

Will Toby bring his fiancé? Does she know about Dillon? I have a million questions, most of which will be answered the second I see him. But what about the deeper questions? Ones that have to wait till we speak. The ones, that lay beneath the surface. What if he doesn't want to answer them? What if I can't answer his questions. Can we even forgive?

I'm not looking to love Toby again. I don't think I ever will. Not after what happened, yes you can say I'm stubborn, but whatever it was he could of told me. We promised each other no secrets. I kept up my end. Ali said that secrets bring us closer, but she was wrong, they tear us apart. They leave behind survivors, trying to live with the jigsaw puzzle of life,grieving, alone, with bleeding hearts, and heavy lungs. Ali, left before things got bad. Maybe she wanted it. There was never closure to the case. The police never caught the killer and we never found out the head -A. We just stopped getting texts, once Toby left. I believe that the girls thought it was Toby, maybe that's what drove them away. They thought I knew, that I was protecting me, and couldn't believe it. We had been through so much, and I abandoned them. People say blood is thicker than water, at one point it seemed like we all were related, but then they became water and evaporated.

When they left, all I had was Melissa. The last person I ever thought I could turn to. My parents, they simply did not care. Especially when I was pregnant. More considered with self image than family picture, but I can't blame them for my problems for they do not know what they have done wrong.

Before long, it was 2:45 and I was out the door and headed to The Brew. This might turn into a fight I can't win. This time I can't right the wrongs.

"Hello Spencer."

Toby was walking behind, you could say a weird coincidence.

"Toby, good to see you,"

Even if I was truly happy to see him, I wouldn't say it. I only said that to be, sarcastic you could say.

"You wanted to talk?"

"You saw Dillon and I want to see her."

"She said she wants to see you."

"But before that I have questions for you."

"Okay, but do you just want to sit on the benches, since we already are together."

So we headed over to the benches.

"Okay, why did you leave years ago?"

"I was afraid you would ask this. You just forgive me, though I know it will be hard. I meant to come back but, I never knew when it was safe. But years began to pass and I felt like you were safer without me."

"What do you mean? And I called and texted, I tried to tell you everything but you didn't answer."

"I couldn't."

"Just tell me why you left."

"You won't forgive either of us."

"What did you do that's so bad?"

"I didn't really do anything, I just listened to someone who I shouldn't have."

"Who!"

"Your sister."

"What does Melissa have to do with this?"

"Everything, she's the reason I had to leave."

"Why did you leave?"

"To protect you."

"How can I believe you?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

So the rest of the day was spent by Toby telling me about what Melissa did. She told him, that she had "evidence" in Ali's murder. That if she showed it to the police they would throw my "ass" in jail. Before Garett died he supposedly gave her things, which were false but Toby couldn't have known that. In return for his breaking up with me and leaving, the -A team would leave us alone. So Toby not wanting me to go to jail left, and the -A's in turn left us alone. So that's the story. About how I came to hate Melissa.

"Another question?"

"Ask away."

"Who is your fiancé."

"Kristen."

"Does she know about Dillon."

"No."

"Does she love you."

"I guess."

"I don't wanna seen like a detective but doesn't she love you if you are marrying her?"

"I hope. Now I have a question for you."

"Ask away."

"Why did you give Dillon up?"

" I was dreading this one. But I knew you would ask. I found out I was pregnant days after you left. At first I was okay, because she was a part of you, which I could have forever. But then months passed and you didn't come back. I gave up hope about you coming back. When she was born, she looked like you. Her eyes, they killed me. Yes I loved her and still do and everyday since I detest my decision. But in the moment, weakness, I couldn't. I couldn't keep her and know you would never see her. To look in her eyes and only see you. It seems selfish but I wasn't what was best for her."

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to really be sorry about."

"Okay."

"So I wanna see her, Dillon."

"Alright, invite her?"

"Please."

So Toby called Dillon and had her meet him(us) in front of The Brew. He didn't mention me but said he has a surprise and to come as soon as possible. The two of went in side and sat in eerie silence. As fast as lighting, she was there standing in the restaurant. She is truly beautiful. Tall, and just gorgeous. She looks like me now, but her eyes are what truly makes her beautiful. The blue could make anyone's heart melt. I instantly loved her without even meeting her. Toby went over to greet her:

"So like I said I have a surprise."

"Is that your fiancé."

Now they were back, both standing by the table.

"No, but I think you should introduce yourself."

Toby looked at me.

"I'm Spencer."

Dillons big blue eyes widened ad excitement overcame her face.

"So you are my mother!"

"Yes."

Dillon whispered something in audible to Toby but he responded:

"I know she is."

Dillon had many questions, many over which I had already answered for Toby. She didnt seem upset about my giving her up for adoption. But she asked our story, about everything that happened between us. Toby answered, didn't talk about the -A thing but said that someone came between us, no not someone as in a lover type but a trouble maker. Which was true, since we were talking about Melissa.

"Did you love her?"

Dillon turned to me, but directed the question at Toby. I have to admit, I wanted to hear this myself.

"You asked me this already, but yes and no one has ever loved me the way your mother has."

But this was so confusing. Kristen is supposed to love him more, after all they are getting married.


	8. Chapter 8

Things have changed, people grow and move on. They leave you or you leave them for bigger and better things. Neither of you will ever forget the memories you made, no, those will stay forever. Yeah, I guess you could say that's what happened between Toby and myself. We had to grow separate, maybe not because we wanted to but because we had to and now after all these years we have will find out, did it all work out? Was what happened for the best? Yes time will tell, but is it even our time? To be honest, I don't know but I hope it is. I wish that all this pain and confusion will lead to something greater. Maybe even something bigger than us. Larger than we can comprehend. But still small enough to Harold and cherish. Yes, I want to know where the road end, finally get to the end of the tunnel because its dark and I'm scared that we can't get out.

Sorry for not writing, I have been away. So this is a tiny chapter, another insight into the mind of Spencer.


	9. Chapter 9

You can see the autumn leaves changing. The flakes falling from the sky and you may see the bloom of flowers dancing across the fields. Yes you can see things change,it is just that easy. You can see a boy grow from baby to man. It is just that simple but in hinds sight it is about what you don't see. How unique each flake is, or how the man still has his baby curls? The things you don't pick up on are the things that either hurt you or love you. The things that lay hidden,beneath the surface, leave the deepest scars.

It's crazy to think that I Dillon Cavanugh can imagine these things but still not have answers to simples questions. Especially the ones regarding her parents. Yes she now knew them and it was something she craved but the trio knew it wasn't the full story. The young girl was in the dark, and her story was yet to be told.


End file.
